May 2, 2011

It takes an Obama, to get an Osama

The views expressed here do not necessarily constitute statements of my political ideology. Take them serious at your own risk.

Hey world..BREAKING NEWS: Osama is dead!!! Okay, thats really not breaking news, since its been spinning around the media machine since 12 hours ago. The breaking news now would be: OSAMA IS STILL ALIVE! Now, wouldn't that be a sight?
Its been a helluva weekend for Obama though, all considered. Last week, we were collectively smarting from The Donald's attempts to discredit his Americanness, and his gaping absence from the Royal Wedding! We all were like, where is the respect Obama commands as P.O.T.U.S. Then of course, he releases his long form birth certificate, which is here:
Then during the White House Correspondents Dinner, he roasted Trump so bad, the only thing remaining of the Donald's presidential ambitions is a smoking toupee. Now, with the latest news of the ten year search for Bin Laden ending successfully under his watch, Obama must be flashing Michelle his signature grin until it becomes annoying. Way to top the Royal Wedding, Bama-Man! Congrats!! Maybe he's on his way to a second Nobel Peace Prize. Possible? No? Oh well...all I know is right now, its one sweet time for Obama to be President.
Im amused at certain reactions people have to this news and am gonna attempt to address them in my own little way:
1. This does not mean World Peace is finally here!
 I hear people shouting how relieved they are that Osama has been caught killed. To them, this means Al-Queda is dead too, and more ridiculous, World peace is here!! Brainless pageant girls are weeping, because now, they have to find another answer for the judges' inevitable "what is your greatest wish/dream/desire?" Since world peace is here, they cant say that anymore right? Wrong. World peace is about as close as the nearest alien. Yea, that close. Osama is dead. That is it. Al Queda is not. Countries are still gonna be messing with each other, and settling it with big money and big guns. Nothings changed. After all, within all the ten years we've been searching, can you count how many little Osama's been raised?? Yea. Osama has 19 children. NINETEEN. Thats his own spawned personal terrorist cell. And they all just lost a father. And are ANGRY. And have a Mob of supporters. And have bombs. And know how to use it. Instead of celebrating, folks, how about we all try praying that further bloodshed does not ensue. We do have highly efficient military intelligence and personell watching our backs. Which I thank God for. But thats more reason we should pray, cos those personnel are in enemy territory. And the enemy got guns. And guns kill people. And no matter how hard it is to believe, SEAL, CIA, MARINES, are populated by people. You cut them, they bleed. You shoot them, they die. So much for world peace. (Side note: who wants to catch the look on Osama's face during the #awkwardmoment when he gets to heaven and doesn't find 70 virgins waiting. Maybe he'll bomb the pearly gates. )

2. This does Not Affect the Price of Pepper in Lagos Market. Or the Price of Burger in Mc'Dees. Or the Price of Gas Anywhere.
People are like Osama is dead, great, now gas prices can come down. Naaah son! Osama and gas are two different categories of American concerns. Osama aint the Middle East. Osama aint OPEC. Osama aint the king of Saudi Arabia, though they both have long beards and wear turbans. Any correlation in the behavior of one to the other is purely coincidence. And being that theres a massive load of angry Arab people, I hope the price of gas doesn't actually go further UP.

There's a special class of people...the Conspiracy theorists. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Some say he's been dead and they only let us know now. Others say he isnt dead at all, and this is just a set up. Others say Obama and Osama arranged this to help his 2012 ambitions.
I say, its a whole lot of active imaginations out there, which gives me hope for humanity.
At the end of the day, its different strokes for different folks. For me, I do believe that this is a commendable achievement for Obama. He did it, and am happy for his success. But issues are still out there. The economy, the violence across Africa, and my own overwhelming struggle with my finals this week. So Osama, deuces! Obama, congrats. Now, can we move on please?