Nov 28, 2010

This Church Naming Mess

Blog world, there is nothing my eyes shall not see upon this earth. Im literally laughing the jockeys outta myself over this. Ive seen a similar list before but never in this scale, and believe me NONE of them were made up. Now PRESENTING..churches that humans like me and you named: 

  • Jesus of God Mission
  • God's Mennonite Church
  • Guided Missiles Church (see their bus below, anyone wanna guess they're affiliated to NATO?)

  • Jesus in the Now Global Church
  • Healing Has Begun Ministry
  • God's Own Ministry
  •       The True Assemblies of God Church (don't want to think of what this implies of the other Assemblies of god we know) :D

    ·         Jehova Sharp Sharp (Festac)

    ·         Huricane Miracle Ministry

     ·         Healing Tsunami Ministry

    ·         Satan in Trouble Ministry

    ·         Fire for Fire Ministry

    ·         FIST OF FURY  (Jet Li would totally go there)

    ·         The Yoke Must Broke Ministry

    ·         Jesus Heal Ministry

    ·         Face to face ministry

    ·         Angels on Fire Chapel of Peace

    ·         Liquid Fire Ministries (Suleja, Niger State)

    ·         By fire By Fire Ministry


    ·         David Killed Goliath Ministry (Kaduna)

    ·         House of Jehova's Padawans (TransAmadi, PH)


    ·         OPM - Other people's money (the idea being that other people's money will work for you, capeesh?) Lmao

    ·         God in action ministries

    ·         Moving mountain gospel church

    ·         MY BROTHER IS A CHRISTIAN CHURCH OF GOD (I swear, who does these things?)

    ·         Fellowship of the Wings - Ajah (Lamgasa)

    ·         Power Foundation Ministries, Aba. === The pastor's maiden crusade was titled: "Your Money is Looking For You"  (talk about killer salesmanship)

    ·         HOLY GHOST ON FIRE MINISTRY (Abuja)


    ·         JESUS NEVER bleep UP MINISTRY (Benin) === for those of you who don't get the meaning, replace the word bleep in this one with the err... the "F" word :D

    ·         Devil go hear am Jesus Ministry

    ·         Accredited Church of God ===> wondering who gave them accreditation? I am too

    ·         Chukwudi & Son evangelical ministry, Aba === (Igbo man no dey carry last!) :D

    ·         Power pass power church of the mountain ministry incorporated

    ·         Ministry Of The Naked Wire - Bayelsa State


·         Go and tell Ahab that Elijah is here ministries - (Should we call him with the 'dead people network' or what?)

·         God is Real Ministry.
Motto: "Jesus no get muscle but he get power" 

·         Fire burn ministries


·         Happy Go Lucky Church of God Almighty In Jesus Name Amen - Abeokuta

·         Old time religion ministry

·         Strong Hand of God ministry

·         Best Spot In The Land of God Church - Apapa. (Apparently if you go here, you'll get all the best real estate in heaven when ur dead)

·         Trigger happy ministry.
Motto- always firing the devil


·         Jesus knows his children ministry 

·         SEVEN THUNDERS OF JESUS (I didnt know before now that Jesus
 had thunders, n there were seven. did you?)

·         Perfect Christianity Ministry

·         Elshaddai Shall Not Die Ministries

hold on, look at the bottom of the says powered by..VIAGRA. #iDied

 ·         Run For Your Life Ministry === my favorite!

Lmao..its still a miracle to me that people will actually give names like this. But whatever helps them sleep well at night, not so?

Nov 27, 2010

Why Do You Write?

Writers, business people, artistes and inventors all talk about this word..creativity. For me, all I am right now is a student and aspiring writer so I think about the creativity that produces works of art: poems, stories, articles. What is my creative process and how does it work? What gives me inspiration? 
Its funny I have been doing a lot of writing all my life but I have never paid mind to how my process works. It was only after a long dry spell ended and I could feel inspiration flowing in my veins again did I stop to wonder, what is the secret? I think I'd look back and realise at some point that this is the period when I transitioned from a casual scribbler to someone who actually takes his writing seriously. Because if I understand my creative process I can recreate it at will, not so? And consistency is really what I need right now. 

So I decided to answer the question "Why do I write?"
I am a resident in a world of ideas. Ideas inflame me and power me more than anything. And when I write, I take those ideas and arrange them with words into images that can fix themselves in the minds of others. So in essence, I write to force a part of me in others. Its bullying of the most sublime type, but that is what all writing is.   In writing, my unique vision of the world can grow into other people's experiences and for however briefly, live with them. And for me as an individual, its a way to etch whatever journey my imaginations make permanently in ink so that it will live with me, forever.

I write to tell a story, the story of the world both seen and unseen. The pictures I have in my head ask for expression and I find words that paint them right and try to put them to best use. 

But more than anything else, I write because I am a writer. That is one thing I will always be, whether 'good' writer or 'bad' I will always be a writer. Because when you really know who you are in your bones, you realize somethings only lead to one goal. Thats when it dawns on me that the question, why do I write doesnt really have an answer. Why do woodchucks chuck wood? Why do tigers have stripes? Its simply how they are. And so I am simply how I am. And if the most important thing in life is to know who you are, then I guess  I have achieved something in life. 
I might go through many places in my life. Law school, further studies in Politics and Business. But the whole time, my pen will keep moving, driven by the ideas in my head and the pictures that greet my eyes.

Now, its your turn. Why do you write?

Nov 24, 2010

Give Thanks

let the Indians do what they will, I shall be thankful today.
with a fat turkey oiled up and ready,
what else do you want me to say

Have a happy thanksgiving everyone!! We know the origins of the holiday, and its fine. Its beginnings may not exactly be perfect but at least we got a day that is devoted to expressions of gratitude. Savor it, and make use of it. Give thanks.

To everyone,
Im thankful for the love I get, deserved and not, but mostly undeserved.
Am thankful for the times my good intentions dont often turn out to good actions.
Im thankful for memories made, and laughters shared, and for those that held my hand when I felt like lead.

To God,
for life.
for a chance to make something out of my life.
for a mind that works, eyes that see the world in their own unique way.
for all that I am, and all I will be.

What are you thankful for?

Nov 22, 2010

To That American Who wants to Know How To Be My Friend

The first thing you do is to forget that Im African
Second, you must never forget that Im African

You should be able to dig "African Queen"
but dont always play it whenever I come around
And if you decide to play Beethoven-dont tell me his life story
I listen to old dead European musicians too

Dont apologize to me when TV shows
depict Africa as a savage land with naked Kings on threadbare thrones
Its your ignorance
I know where Im from.

And when an African shows up as we walk along
accent and all
Dont ask me if I know him
from home
Do you know that guy that sells Chipotle on 42nd street?

And if you really think Africans make better lovers, 
dont tell me
I start thinking of charging call fees.

All Im saying is, if you want to be my friend
Dont make a labour of it.
Im just a regular guy
I happen to come from Africa. 

Why Naija Babes Gotta Be So Serious All the Time??

Lol I actually dont mean all Naija babes, or even majority of them. From my experience, naija babes are fun loving the actions Im about to recount dont apply to them. I just used the generalisation for a lil emphasis.
Anyhow, a girl am close to just ostracised me. Yea, no talking, no dealing with me until further notice. Am now public enemy number one. And what was my sin? Oh, I had the audacity to put the lyrics of a love song on my status. Lemme expantiate...
My stat was simple.. "I saw her an angel, with the dust of stars in her eyes". It was a song. That I loved. Nothing more to it. I didnt see an angel. Im not looking for one. But I digress. So one girl commented that the stat was so sweet, and how did she lose a man like me. The girl is a close friend, but we're not romantically involved, just flirting here and there. so i regarded it as the harmless normal thing and told her sure, I was still here and still loved her.
Another close friend was like..anh, she knows the status is about her, and I was like yea, but I will make a new one specially for her. You know, all in the fun of the status and stuff.
Then the girl that I started this story with, the 'ostracist' lol, read the comments and hit me up asking why I was making statuses about other people, and flirting with them and all that while she was there for me. Now, said girl is not my girlfriend, we had been UNOFFICIALLY involved but that was a while back and from my understanding she had a budding relationship with some other guy. So to me, she was just joking too and I was like sure, that I was finding new love and all. And she was going on and on about the kind of person I was, that I knew fully well that I was special to her and all that. At a point I was like, this is still jokes right? i mean you're not really serious are you..just to be sure. And that was when she was inflamed, ordered me to stop talkin to her and hung up. Then she didnt pick my call and later on when we met she seriously did not talk to me. At which point, I was like "whoaaa". I explained that this was a simply lyric but she was either a very good actress or she was really pissed cos she said something: "it would have been okay with any other girl if it wasnt an akata:" referring to the girl that said the stat was about her. At which point I was like, why am I going through this..its all jokes. She walked out without still talking to me. Later on she texted that I should follow akata girls. I can swear on heavens blood that this girl is not my girlfriend, we had something at some point but ther was no indication from her end that it meant more. So now am like...what did I do??
Lesson learned: nothing is ever really, unserious with a babe. Whether you guys are official or not. And till now, I think this is all funny. Except that she still aint talkin to me...can you bliv that?

Nov 21, 2010

Life Lessons from a Video Game

Hey blog world. For those of you that know me, you know Im a video game freak. For those that don't well, now you know. I had my first video game when I was nine and SEGA was the heaven of video games. At the time, I had an 8 bit contra and I remember the embarrasment when my friends chose to go to another boy's house instead of mine because he has a 16 bit sega, and I had contra. Even as young as I was, I hated not being the ish. So from then, there was no new game that I didnt own, I went on from Sega, to Nintendo 64 and hand held Gamboy to PS and PS2. Now am grown, and dont care as much about cool points, but as far as gaming is concerned, I still stay on top of it.
Anyway, my friend and I were going at it on the xbox today when he scored a freekick from a long range. Now, if ur familiar with soccer, you know thats a pretty rare occurence, I dont care how good you are. So I sat back and waited while dude replayed the freekick over and over, slowly following the flight of the ball as it sank into the net. He would pull the ball back to point it left the kick taker's foot, and then gently relive the goal. I understood. It was his moment.
And it hit me that in a way that is what we do when we get a taste of success. In our minds, we relive that moment, over and over...seeing the events that led up to it. Its our way of saying 'this is the ideal'. It burns into our consciousness and lights us up. Think back at when you got admitted into college, or when you landed that first major award, or contract, or whatever it is that signifies success in your field. In your mind, you linger in that moment. And what happens is, you take that blueprint and follow it wherever you go. Personally, I wouldnt replay that goal. Its still rare for me to score, but Ive done it enough times for it to lose its charm. That shows that you dont linger in that moment, for that moments sake. You relive it so that when the time comes, when the goals are bigger, and the stakes higher, you can amplify and recreate that success. And that is what the replay does. Its a rehearsal, for bigger arrivals. So when next you hear that nothing can be learnt from playing games, think again.

Nov 18, 2010

The Inspiration To Write-The Alchemist

Writing is a beauty, and in its depth the pen becomes not just a tool to transmit thoughts and feelings but a channel through which new worlds are birthed. I used to write a lot before, but recently I found myself writing less and less. I had been caught in a web. School, extracurriculars, and blogging had taken me out of my writing. Yea, I blamed blogging too. Because my blogging did not require the full extent of my creativity. I wasnt blogging, I was keeping an online journal at a time when my life was pretty much monotonous. And so inside me, the stories suffered for lack of a telling tongue. 
Recently, all that has changed. Its amazing, becuase these days, inspiration has been flowing like seven seas in my mind and Ive been putting pen on paper so often that my head is beginning to swim in distant lands, and to commune with ideas like Im talking to people. 
I have one book to thank, partly, for this renaissance. The Alchemist, by Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho. The allegorical tales of a shepherd boy that lived for his dreams, for signs, and the language of the Soul were the sparks that lit my fire again. In his words " heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams." It was what I needed to hear. Hell, its what I still hearing even as I write. 
Right now, I have once more begun to flourish with stories and poems that reach the heart. Im writing new stuff, not revamping the old like Ive been doing for a while. 
In every generation, there comes a book that changes the lives of its readers. The Alchemist is such a book. Believe me, it is. Go out and read it. You'll be glad you did. And I will be too. And after you have read it, go into the world and chase that dream. Listen to your heart's language, the language of the soul. Same language that God speaks, cos I believe soul consciousness is God consciousness. And if you know the mind of God, there is nothing you cannot achieve. 
Leave fear, leave worries, just go ye into the world and achieve your dream. Mine is to write. And Im inspred. #Leigo

Nov 14, 2010

Standardized Pidgin: Good or Bad?

  Before Nokia, and then vodka, it was language that connected people. And in many ways, it still does. Especially when u consider that more people speak English these days than anyone can care to count. So when I read this article on naijablog about how they're making plans to standardize pidgin English, Im quite interested.
What will be the advantages of making up rules of grammar, and wiriting a dictionary and standardizing spelling and pronunciation? What are the reasons behind this drive to even turn the pidgin into a more standard language, to be used as language of learning as they have prosposed? Will Nigerians be better or worse off for it?
The reasons they gave for wanting to standardise the language is that more and more Nigerian students are failing at standard English. And that more and more Nigerians are expressing themselves in pidgin. So if we were to endorse pidgin as an official language, then Nigerians will inevitably excel in their linguistic education. Anyone spot the fallacy?
In the first place, its not the fault of the English language that our students are failing it. Its the fault of our educational system. And teaching pidgin in our school will not of itself guarantee that students will perform better at it. Its a case of the bad barber blaming the hair. 
Another thing is, which variation of pidgin will they standardize? Pidgin is not homogeneous in Nigeria, and one of the beauties of the lingua is its fluidity and adaptability to every environment. Warri pidgin is not the same as Lagos pidgin, in word choices, inflection, delivery and style. chop no be lem, as they say. Both 'chop' and 'lem' btw refer to eating. All the same, I feel that forcing pidgin into the typical western orthographic structure will be a clipping of its 600+ years old wings. It may cast the language in a mold it was not built for. 
Most of our native languages have already been forced into that cast and, I dont know about other languages, but they did a pretty messed up job with mine. Igbo written is not quite representative of how its meant to be spoken and somehow it seems too mechanical reading a novel in Igbo. It doesnt have the same flow as natural  Igbo speech. And Im afraid this is what they will succeed in doing to pidgin too. 
And lets say they even succeed and pidgin becomes a standard written language, and everyone learns it instead of the standard English language. Will that necessarily help us? The world is accessible to us as Nigerians because we speak English. If, instead of improving our mastery of English, we withdraw to our comfort zone and embrace pidgin. will we not be shutting ourselves out of an increasingly English speaking world? Will our writers, musicians, filmmakers, and scholars still reach the world if they communicate in pidgin? It is well and good for us to learn a language that holds us together, no matter tribe and class. But if we will only put effort into educating our young, English will not only do that, but connect us to the world. For that is the sole aim of language. Connecting people.